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What to do when your buttons get pushed

We all have them.  The people who push our button and we do get crazy, angry, exasperated, emotional, submissive and sometimes even erotic.

 Let’s face it. No matter how evolved, patient or emotionally mature we may be. All of us know and deal with the people who push our buttons, who set us off just by looking at us or saying one word or even just entering the room.

The colleague who never seems to take on his share of the work. The team member who seems to have a reason why she can’t be in the office on the important after-hours push. The senior leader who doesn’t seem to get it no matter what. The next-door neighbor who has better car. The landlord who never understands genuine reasons when rent gets delayed. The smarter classmate, the x girlfriend and even some teachers/professors.

They are the people who know exactly what to say or do to transform you from a calm and happy person into a teed off mouth-foaming maniac.

Sometimes it feels like the world is full of button-pushers, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

In traffic, person driving next to you just pushes the button of his car’s horn and it hits right below your annoyance nerves, strong enough to turn you red.

Someone just passes on discourteous remarks and you lose your calmness to the core.

Your boyfriend suggests that you haven’t kept your promise and you get ready for breakup.

Your boss tells that the project is on the deadline and needs to be done quicker and your    blood gets boiling.

Most of the times you  react in counter-offensive way such as  name-calling, below-the-belt barbs, stand-offs, shouting,  pouting, hurt feelings, mistrust, and longstanding misunderstandings. Or sometimes you say nothing in your wounded state, but wait for the opportunity to retaliate with passive-aggressive behaviors.

None of this however changes anything. In fact that just makes the things worst. You start to lose your relationships, stop your own growth prospects at work, ruin your own day and lose your own peace of mind.

So what can you do about it?

Imagine how wonderful the life can be without your buttons being pushed.

Imagine how easy, peaceful, light and unperturbed the life can get when your buttons are not pushing.

Following are the exact steps that guarantees to stop your buttons to be pushed no matter who does what in what situation.

  1. Stop believing that you can change them

Often when we do not like what was said or done, we react with the intention of changing other person/situation in accordance with how we would like that to be. This can be in the form of vengeance, anger, admonition, mockery, deflation, distrust or ignorance.

Let’s examine some of the reactions we do:

Vengeance and Admonition – “How dare they suggest that? Who do they think they are? I’ll set them straight and make them feel like a dog’s breakfast while I’m at it. They certainly deserve it.”

Anger – Shout out loud, beating and throwing things

Mockery and deflation – ridiculing, demoralizing and insulting

Distrust – discouragement and suspicions

Ignorance – Stop talking to the person, stop seeing the person, stop going to the place ETC.

All these reactions and responses are typically intended to mold the person/situation the way we want it to be.

This turns out an inexhaustible exercise and results in more anger, more hurt, more resentment and more buttons pushing.

To stop those buttons to be pushed, accept that you simply can’t change them. All the persons and situations that you are trying to change are the way they are and the way they are not. What someone has done or not done his his/her choice and that is not bounded by your likes, dislikes and choices. Simply because you think something isn’t right does not make it wrong, that can just be your perspective.

Accept that world is not bound to be how you want it to be. It simply is the way it is and the way it is not.

  1. Give up your grudges and complains:

Most of us carry the baggage of what has not happened in past and deal with present in the light of those experiences. All of our actions including how we treat someone and some situations are guided with our past bagages, especially grudges and complains.

You don’t like that colleague because she did not come on time in the meetings you called last week. You don’t like your x boyfriend/girlfriend anymore because you think that she/he did not behave right. You don’t like that teacher because she punished you yesterday. Just because you don’t like what they did in past keeps you mad at them, makes you angry and pushes your button.

However, as we have already established in first step, what they did or what they did not was just their choices and something’s that you think was wrong might be absolutely correct for the other person. What has happened has already happened and you can’t change that. Why to complain then?

When you keep those complains and grudges alive, each time you see/hear/think that person/situation the image of those complains comes in front of you and your actions are guided by them. This means that the buttons are sure to be pushed.

To stop those buttons to be pushed, give up all your complains and all your grudges with complete authenticity. Even if you did not like something/some behavior, just let it go right now. Just honestly forgive people for what they did and don’t let those complains and grudges to come the next time you see/meet/hear/think them.

  1. Invent possibilities:

Now, when you know that you can’t change other people and situations, accepted that has happened and given up all your resentments, you can see a whole world of possibilities opening up in front of you.

This include the possibilities of love, trust and commitment.

Remember that the possibilities you are inventing is about what you can do now and how you can be now with that person or situation and not what shall happen.

So for instance, you might like to invent possibility of love and respect towards your parents no matter what happens and whether or not you like something they say.

  1. Take responsibility:

Its your life and these are your buttons that get pushed. No one else other than you can be responsible for them. Others have done what they had to and things have happened how they have happened. Its your responsibility not to make meaning out of them, not to keep grudges and complains from them, not to behave/react angrily and rather choosing to accept them as they are. Its your responsibility to make the possibilities work that you have invented and its your responsibility to make sure that you do not let your buttons pushed.

Take control, access the power and be responsible for your actions.

I’m sure you can turn all of your buttons off and set them not to be pushing ever by applying the steps above. I have done it personally and it definitely works without any doubt at all.

Apply right now and see the world automatically transforming for you!

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