Yes and No are perhaps the simplest and most powerful words in any language, as its these words that determines most things in life whether career, relationships, business, sales, purchase, investment and even fun.
A proposal for dating from an old friend, a new job offer, a party invitation, a new assignment by your boss, choice to declare breakup/divorce, starting a new relationship, leaving an organization, starting a new venture, purchasing something, selling something, to help someone, to spend time on something and what not.
In any given situation and at any moment of life, you need to say either yes or no to something and its “yes” or “no” that you said often determines who you’re going to be and how your future is going to shape.
While choosing to say yes or no to something/someone, Often we find ourselves extremely powerless and helpless as we find that in most cases we gotta do exactly opposite to what our heart is wanting from inside.
Look into your life and you will find that you often have to say yes for things your heart loudly screams “no” and no for what you actually wanted to say yes.
Imagine you’re piled up with a number of assignments that needs to be delivered on deadlines and a colleague comes up for some help that she needs. You know that if you choose to help her, the assignments that you gotta complete will need to suffer. You would either require to work extra hours or miss the deadlines and bare the consequences.
However, in most cases you will say yes even if your heart inside is screaming “no” because you don’t wanna look bad/unfavourable/arrogant.
Thinking a step ahead, Imagine while you’re already behind deadlines, your boss sends out an email and tells that there’s an urgent piece that you need to complete in addition to your already assigned tasks and this as well has a deadline that needs to met along with other deadlines that you’ve been running behind.
No matter how bad you feel crazy inside, in most cases you’ll say yes because the task has been given by your boss and “The boss is always right”!
Thinking another step ahead, imagine you’re stuck in the never-ending cycle of deadlines and your friends calls for a late night party that you’d have love attending. You know that you’re already piled up with heaps of work, deadlines are dancing over your head and the consequences are scaring you if you do not get to complete them, but a big part of you still wants to say yes, not just because you wanna attend the party, but also because you would otherwise be labelled “boring”, “workaholic” and so on.
Imagine you got a dating proposal from a long time friend that you love spending time with.
Just as the proposal comes up, you find a clash/tussle happening inside you, whether to say yes or no. A part of you wanting to say yes as you know that he is a great person and most possibly the person of your dream, while a part of you wants to say no, arguing the logics such as you not knowing him enough as of now, possibility of negative things that can happen or simply what you call “not ready to commit as yet”.
Lending bike/car to a friend, accepting invitation to a party, to have sex, taking drinks and just about any simplest or most difficult decision that you find in your life.
If you notice consciously, you will find that often what you say yes and no to are mostly driven by at least one of the following reasons:
Looking good/avoiding looking bad:
“I just don’t wanna look bad in his eyes”, “Denying for this would sound unfavourable/unpleasing”, “What will he think about me if I say no about it”, “My impression will ruin in his eyes” and so on.
The statements like above are so freaking common and are at the back of our head all the times before we have to say yes or no to something/someone. This in one way or the other is in the realm of looking good/avoiding looking bad.
Fear of losing:
“I might lose job if I say no to this deadline”, “I might lose this client if I say no to this request”, “I might lose friendship by saying yes to this proposal”, “By saying this I might lose his trust”, “My reputation might lose in his eyes if I say no to this” and so on.
Many times, we saying yes or no is guided by above statements/contexts, particularly the fear of losing something that compells us to say that we did not want to say either yes or no what so ever.
Fear of hurting:
“he might get hurt if I say no to this request”, “I don’t wanna hurt her by saying yes to this upcoming office picnic” and so on.
Sometimes, the yes or no that we’re saying is driven by the fear of hurting someone that makes us saying just opposite to what we originally wanted to say.
Fear of social disapproval/judgement:
“What will the society think about this”, “what will my friends think about this”, “I might be judged if I say yes to this” and so on.
All of us have one or other kind of social fear when it comes to choosing between saying yes or no to something. Many times our choice get shaped to what major part of society would approve and not necessarily what we personally believe about.
Lack of confidence/trust:
“I’m not sure if I can do this”, “I can’t trust him enough at this time”, “What if I get failed” and so on.
Lack of confidence, trust and surety quite a lot of times forces us to say something that we did not fundamentally want to say.
“I’ve had difficulty dealing when I last said no to this”, “Last time I said yes to this request and it was a terrible experience”, “I did not enjoy when I said yes to this the last time”, “I have never had this kind of experience before” and so on.
Many times our past experiences becomes the guiding force while we’re choosing to say either yes or no to something/someone.
Cultural, religious and traditional beliefs:
“My religion does not allow this”, “This has been written in my religious book”, “This is considered wrong according to my culture” and so on.
In a host of instances, our choices are determined on the basis of what we have been told in accordance with the culture, religion and traditions that we have been brought up in.
No matter which one (s) of the above reasons holds true in your situation, what is sure is that in most situations and moments of life we do not have power, freedom and self expression about choosing between yes and no.
Its just enormously difficult of a task to say yes/no freely without having one of above reasons in the background that is moulding the choice that we have to otherwise take.
Find out which reason applies with you in which situation and then choose to go beyond it.
Merely distinguishing the reasons that hampers your power, freedom and self expression alone can bring unprecedented control on the things, enabling you to take a free choice that your heart wants and the one that you feel love/empowered about.
In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between
Who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future.
Come, Take a free choice today by going beyond reasons, considerations and fear and a remarkable transformation awaits to embrace you and your powerful future!